Show #137 July 18, 2015

For Beth and Kids In Satanic Service!

Beth- No Use For A Name Making Friends 
Room Service- Kiss Dressed to Kill 
Heart Stops Beating- Nick Piunti Beyond The Static 
Daddy's Gone For Good- Ben Vaughn Mood Swings 
I've Got Your Number- Nick Gilder Rock America 
*Hard Luck Woman- The Hold Steady Rags 
*Getaway- The Carburetors Gods of Thunder - A Norwegian Tribute to Kiss 
*Christine Sixteen- Gin Blossoms Kiss My Ass: Classic Kiss Regrooved 
Mix Tape- Richie Parsons Honey and Tears 
FOH- Superchunk I Hate Music 
Goodbye Princess- Cheepskates It Wings Above 
*Strutter- The Donnas Strutter 
*Goin' Blind- Dinosaur Jr. Kiss My Ass: Classic Kiss Regrooved 
*Rock 'n Roll All Nite- The Summer Set Punk Goes Classic Rock 
Take It Easy- Sloan Commonwealth 
Don't Like Your Face- The Heats Have An Idea 
What's The Matter With Mary- Little Murders Stop Plus Singles 1978-1986 
*Deuce- Redd Kross Teen Babes From Monsanto 
*Do You Love Me- Girlschool Running Wild 
*Plaster Caster- The Lemonheads Kiss My Ass: Classic Kiss Regrooved
Could Be Worse- Bleu Redhead 
Mystery to Me- The Talk Not Just Hearsay 
*C'mon And Love Me- Smalltown Rockets Gods of Thunder - A Norwegian Tribute to Kiss 
*Black Diamond- The Replacements Let It Be
*Shout It Out Loud- Motorhead Larger Than Life 3 
>God Gave Rock And Roll To You- Argent God Gave Rock And Roll To You 
*Detroit Rock City- The Mighty Mighty Bosstones Detroit Rock City 
*All American Man- The Hellacopters Cream Of The Crap Vol. 2 
Rock Bottom- Kiss Dressed to Kill 

^Power Pop Prototype:  (Kiss Version) #15 Billboard Hot 100 2/26/77

*SacroSet[s]:  Songs Kiss Taught Us

>Power Pop Prototype:  1973 (Kiss Version 1991)

When I was in the 4th Grade we moved from Brockton to Duxbury, Mass and it was a culture shock.  I was used to kids making fun of me for what I looked like or how I acted but it took some time to get used to kids making fun of me for the shoes and clothes I was wearing.  This is doubtless a "white people problem," but when everyone is in Adidas and Levi's while you're rocking no-name sneakers and Toughskins it can seem pretty bleak.  We had the money but my Mom, true to her Scottish heritage, drew the line at what were then $40 sneakers and $20 pants and she wasn't budging.

Needless to say, a few months later I was overjoyed to find what appeared to be the perfect pair of sneakers one town over at the Marshall's in Marshfield.  I'd finally have what everyone else had!  I proudly wore my new shoes to school the next day and wasn't in the door 30 seconds before some douche pointed out that my "Adidas" had an extra stripe.  

Four Stripes BAD!

I immediately saw what he was talking about and it was humiliating.  What's worse, I had to wear them the rest of the day and then try to explain to my mom why I couldn't wear them ever again.  She wasn't having any of it.  I ended up wearing the shoes for another two weeks before losing one "in the woods," but the damage was done.  Even years later in Intermediate School a kid name Sean McDonough would remind everyone about my four stripe "Adidas."

As a perennial outsider, I was always looking for a way "in" with the kids in my school.  A huge rock and roll fan, I'd been buying records for a few years when I started hearing other kids talk about music.  J. Geils Band and Bruce Springsteen were two names I'd often hear in the hallway.  I didn't like these particular artists but in my twisted imagination I thought I could parlay my passion for rock and roll into some kind of popularity.   My favorite band at the time was Kiss.  Cousin Rich had turned me on to the Destroyer album and I loved that record.  My dad, who always kept a keen eye on my interests, bought me my first rock and roll poster that year- for the Kiss Spirit of'76 tour. I'd listen to the album over and over and just stare at that poster.  I loved everything about it- the makeup, the clothes, the patriotic tableau which I'd seen in school and especially the looks on their faces.

A picture is worth 1000 words...

Paul seems pouty and defiant, Peter looks dazed (perhaps because of the head wound), Gene is summoning Satan and Ace is just happy to be along for the ride- he was probably late for the photo shoot and squeezed in at the last minute.  Of course at the time I had no idea that my initial reaction was spot-on, perfectly capturing the personality of each guy.
 
I was ready with my hard-earned paper route money when Rock And Roll Over was released on November 11, 1976.  Imagine putting out Destroyer in March, heading out on the Spirit of '76 Tour from July through September, releasing Rock And Roll Over in November and then starting a tour for that record-  Kiss owned our Bicentennial Year!!  I was incredibly jealous that Cousin Rich got to see Kiss on the Spirit of '76 tour on July 11, 1976 at the Cape Cod Coliseum- their opening act was a young upstart out of Detroit named... wait for it... Bob Seger!  Jealousy aside, the seed was planted and I resolved to see Kiss before I died, which I did for the first time on February 2, 1978 at the Providence Civic Center.  They were even better than I imagined- that show still ranks among my all-time favorites.

Back in 7th Grade I failed to realize that "what" you loved was as, if not more, important than how much you loved it.  Kiss were great about including extra stuff in their albums (posters, booklets, tattoos, a Love Gun) and Rock And Roll Over came with a cool segmented sticker of the album cover.  I loved all these extras and kept them in pristine condition so it was a big deal for me when I decided to actually use the Rock And Roll Over sticker.  During Christmas break I painstakingly applied it to my school notebook, spacing out the segments perfectly, all the while picturing how cool I'd look walking down the halls of Duxbury Intermediate School with this awesome three-ring binder under my arm.  That first day it went about as well as it did with my fake "Adidas."  I wasn't 20 feet down the hall before someone yelled "KISS SUCKS!" and a bunch of kids laughed.  The rest of that year I kept the sticker side of the binder against my body so no one could see it.

Even Eddie couldn't make me cool

Kiss were the biggest rock and roll band in the world that year yet the kids in my school seemed to HATE them- I was really shocked it went down this way. At the time I thought it was because I wasn't cool so by association nothing I liked could be either.  The following year I brought Van Halen's first album to school to play Eddie's earth shattering solo "Eruption" for my 8th Grade music class and they made fun of me too.  (A year later in high school I'd see Van Halen shirts everywhere but by then I'd moved on to The Ramones and The Clash.)  

Can I give you my card?

I've since decided that while I would've been crapped on for whatever I liked, the hatred Kiss inspired was a different animal.  I'd later learn that most rock critics hated Kiss too- yet I don't think my 7th Grade classmates were reading Robert Christgau so that wasn't it.  No, I now realize that the few people I knew who liked Kiss shared one thing in common:  we are all first born children.  We didn't have older brothers and sisters telling us that Kiss were a joke, as opposed to "serious" bands like Yes and Led Zeppelin.  Free to like what whatever we wanted, Gene Simmons' vision of the ultimate rock and roll band proved irresistible.  That said, all the theatrics and tchotchkes aside, the music still stands on it own which is why 38 years after I bought my first Kiss album I'm doing a radio show of bands from around the world covering their songs.  Clearly I'm not the only one who loves "the hottest band in the world... KISS!!!"

Photos by Nica Love

As a postscript, I should point out that in 1994 I found a copy of Rock And Roll Over with the sticker included at Rocket Records in San Francisco- it cost me $30 bucks and was worth every penny!  

Also, as I write this I think it's important for you to know that I am wearing ... well let me just show you...

Three Stripes GOOD!

Dig those sweet Adidas Superstars... as Charlie Sheen would say:  WINNING!

Here are the links for this week's show, click to stream or to download, right click and "Save Link As:"
Hour 1
Hour 2

Show #136 June 13, 2015

Our Planetary Power Pop show is dedicated to Barbarella and the great Jenny Agutter!

Barbarella- The Glitterhouse Barbarella 
Another Girl, Another Planet- The Only Ones Special View 
Help Yourself- Greg Pope Fanboy 
Dead or Alive- John Cale Honi Soit 
Partied Out- Kurt Baker Brand New Beat 
On the Weekend- The Reducers Last Tracks and Lost Songs 
Revolution in Apt. 29- Wayne Kramer The Return of Citizen Wayne 
N.D.- Runarounds Waiting For The Hurricane 
^Under The Milky Way- The Church Under The Milky Way 
Probably Me- The Jellybricks Youngstown Tune-Up 
Space Age Love- Zolar X Timeless 
*Planet Mercury- Gruppo Sportivo Pop! Goes The Brain/Design Moderne 
*Destination Venus- The Rezillos Can't Stand the Rezillos: The (Almost) Complete Rezillos 
*Heaven And Earth- The Grip Weeds How I Won The War 
*Rocket To Mars- Lisa Mychols Sweet Sinsations 
*Moons of Jupiter- Scruffy The Cat Time Never Forgets: The Anthology ('86-'88) 
*Saturn- Neats 1981-84 The Ace of Hearts Years 
*Anus Of Uranus- Klaatu 3:47 E.S.T. 
*Neptune- Glenn Tilbrook Transatlantic Ping Pong 
*Hallucinating Pluto- The B-52's Hallucinating Pluto 
If I Ever Wanted Easier- Wyatt Funderburk Novel and Profane 
Fall To Bits- DM3 Dig it the Most 
I Know The Cure- Warm Soda Symbolic Dream 
>Marquee Moon- Television Marquee Moon 
Under The Gun- Rob Bonfiglio Freeway 
Please Believe Me- LMNOP Elemen Opee Elpee 
We'll Inherit the Earth- The Replacements Don't Tell a Soul

^Power Pop Peak:  #24 Billboard Hot 100 4/9/88 

*SacroSet:  Solar System Songs

>Power Pop Prototype:  1977

In the summer of 1978 I was lucky enough to see the movie Barbarella at the Kingston Drive-In, unlucky enough to be in the same car with my mom and sister the night I saw it.  What was Mum thinking- Barbarella gets naked before the opening credits are even done!  Even now, I'm squinching in my seat as I think about watching Barbarella in the Excessive Machine- designed to "pleasure" her to death, it was no match for her voracious

An Immersive Experience

sexual appetite- with Mum and Sarah beside me.  So there we are, the three of us trying not to make a sound, our eyes locked on the screen for fear of making eye contact with each other.  Youch!  Even in these uncomfortable circumstances I could see how undeniably sexy Jane Fonda is in the movie.  Yet, as taken as I was with Barbarella, my heart belonged to another outer space hottie- the great Jenny Agutter. 

Even a year after seeing it, my next door neighbor Steven Manning couldn't stop talking about the movie Logan's Run.  

Steven was two years older than me and saw the movie the

How did this fashion not catch on?!?

week it came out as well as several times during its theatrical run.  The story sounded awesome to me- a world of sex and drugs where everything is cool until you turn 30, then they kill you.  Truth be told, what really piqued my interest was Steven's description of Jessica, the female lead played by the lovely Jenny Agutter- particularly the fact that she TAKES HER CLOTHES OFF IN THE MOVIE!  I had never heard of

PG in '81, Sex Offender Registry Today!

such a thing!  This was back in the 70's when you could have a nice bit of nudity in a PG picture.  (I'll never forget showing Clash of The Titans to 10 year old Jack and 7 year old Nica- Jaime screaming as a naked Perseus and his mom walk down the beach). 

Anyway, I didn't know about Logan's Run when it was in theaters during the

Oh, Jenny!

summer of 1976 and had resigned myself to never seeing Jenny Agutter's- or any woman's- breasts for the rest of my sad, pitiful life.  Sure I'd sneaked peeks at Playboy at my Uncle Bob's house in Maryland, but these were living, breathing 3-D breasts!  What's worse in the summer of 1977 they were planning on showing Logan's Run on TV... stupid breast-free TV!  Then, something miraculous happened.  I saw in the Boston Globe, the paper I delivered each morning, that Logan's Run was playing at the South Shore Twin Drive-In in Braintree!  This was a year after its theatrical release and two weeks before it was going to be on TV but

Michael York, Farrah Fawcett, Jenny Agutter

there it was.  I begged my parents to go and they agreed so I finally got to see Jenny Agutter naked!  The nude scene is two seconds long and pretty unsexy (she is changing out of her soaking wet sideless dress) but it was still very cool.  I loved the movie too- I'm a sucker for a good finger-wagging science fiction dystopia, from the Planet Of The Apes movies to Westworld to Soylent Green (spoiler alert! the latter is people).  I was so taken with Jenny

She doesn't really mean it.

Agutter I barely registered that Farrah Fawcett was also in Logan's Run. And this was AFTER her iconic poster, which I later learned is what got her the role in to begin with.  Have to say I've always thought her smile seemed super-fake, so I've never cared for Farrah's poster.  Yes, I noticed her other "assets" but the fake smile was a deal-breaker.  In any case, I was never a guy who had posters of girls on his walls- all my posters were of dudes with guitars.

Leia in her Hutt-kini

As an aside, the next year when Star Wars came out I remember thinking "good movie, but where's all the sex?" After sexy movies like Barbarella and Logan's Run it seemed like there was something missing from Star Wars.  We had to wait for the underwhelming Return of the Jedi to get anything close to sex, and you only see Leia in her Hutt-kini for less than a minute.  Fanboys have been drooling over this scene for a generation- I imagine their heads would've exploded if there had actually been bare breasts.  Instead we get taken to a world of Teddy Bears....TEDDY BEARS!  Damn you George Lucas- I blame you for taking the sex out of science-fiction movies!  But I digress...

Donald and Jenny

After Logan's Run I realized I had seen Jenny Agutter in The Eagle Has Landed- at the time my favorite WW II movie (Donald Sutherland is pure psycho).  The next film I saw her in was An American Werewolf In London- my favorite movie of 1981 and another in which she takes her clothes off (though that's not the only reason I like it).  None of this had prepared me for the home video revolution a few years later.  Now actively searching for Jenny Agutter movies on video I found one called Walkabout that came out in 1971.  Jenny is 16 in the movie, a couple of years younger than I was at the time- so for the first time I was no longer watching an older woman.  Walkabout is a great film about a brother and sister lost in the Australian outback after their father ruins a picnic by going nuts, setting the car on fire and shooting himself.  They

Luc (the director's son) and Jenny

are helped out by an Aboriginal boy.  The most striking scene in the film- one I was in no way prepared for- is five minutes of the girl and her brother skinny dipping in a river.  Five minutes of a fully naked Jenny Agutter!  You'd think I'd be in heaven but it kind of weirded me out.  I had lusted after this woman as a boy but as a young man it made me uncomfortable seeing her as a naked 16 year old girl.  Freud would have a field day with that.  Not surprising, the skinny dipping scene was originally cut out of the original American theatrical release then put back in for home video.  

Jenny on Call The Midwife

My wife Jaime was watching Call The Midwife the other night and I was very happy to see Jenny Agutter appear on screen.  She's still acting and still beautiful and thanks to the show is working more now than at any other point in her career.  We'll always have Logan's Run Jenny!

Pluto- the 9th PLANET dammit!!

There's one other thing I want to mention about tonight's SacroSets of Planetary Power Pop.  I played three sets of three songs each for the nine, yes NINE planets in our Solar System.  I don't want to hear any bulls**t about Pluto not being a planet.  Dwarf planet my ass!  Moon of Neptune- get bent!  My only hope is that NASA's New Horizons mission will end all this nonsense and restore Pluto to it's rightful place.  We've already heard more about Pluto in the last two weeks than at anytime since the mendacious downgrade of its rightful status as the ninth planet in our solar system.  How important is this issue to me?  My sister Sarah knows, she bought me this awesome shirt

Which is so cool it even glows in the dark!

HAIL PLUTO!

Download this week's show below (Click to stream or to download, right click and "SAVE TARGET AS")
ALL KINDSA GIRLS #136

Show #135 May 23, 2015

The Finland Show is dedicated to Josephine Geraldine!

Josephine Geraldine- Ben's Diapers Middle Eights For Modern Lovers 
Full Moon Turn My Head Around- Off Broadway On 
Seven Days a Week- Nick Piunti Beyond The Static 
Feel Like Dirt- Kevin K Band Rule The Heart 
Run Now- Tommy Keene Songs From The Film 
Spend the Night- The Sonics This Is The Sonics 
Baby It's You- Phil Seymour Archives Series Vol 1 
Take A Life- Dirty Looks Dirty Looks 
^Vuonna '85- Eppu Normaali Vuonna '85 
Every Boy and Every Girl- Sylvain Sylvain Sylvain Sylvain 
Nearly Human- The Rezillos Zero 
*Dead By X'Mas- Hanoi Rocks Self Destruction Blues 
*Spotlight. Now!- Hundred Million Martians Marsbars 
*So Much For You- Jalla Jalla Crumelur/Jalla Jalla 
*Tapan Aikaa- Problems? Tapan Aikaa 
*Astraaliprojektio- Kaupungin Valot Huomiseen 
*Kirjoituksia kellarista- Kollaa Kestaa Kirjoituksia kellarista 7" 
*Stereo- The Sugarrush Mirrorball Ballerinas 
*Save Rock 'n' Roll- The Flaming Sideburns Sky Pilots 
*I Know- The Splits LP II 
Slowdown- Farrah Farrah 
Is There Someone Out There?- Z-Cars This Is Z-Cars 7" EP 
Whoever's Around- Linus Of Hollywood Something Good 
Love Letter- Richie Parsons Honey and Tears 
Shimmy, Shimmy- Jo Allen And The Shapes 415 Music 
Secret Ride- The Bye Bye Blackbirds We Need The Rain 
>Get On- Hurriganes Get On 
Until I Get You- Hanoi Rocks Back to the Mystery City

^Power Pop Peak:  #1 on Finnish Charts January 1986

*SacroSet:  Finland Rock and Roll

>Power Pop Prototype:  1974 


Sweden and Norway have given the world lots of great rock and roll over the years.  Back in August 2010, Show #38 featured the music of Sweden and the following year Norway got the star treatment in Show #62.  So, fellow Nordic country Finland's time in the spotlight is way past due.  Part of the reason for the delay is that unlike Sweden and Norway, far fewer Finnish bands have cultivated international appeal,

Hanoi Rocks

and most of those who have play heavy metal (HIM, Nightwish, 69 Eyes, Children of Bodom, etc.)  Another factor is that many Finnish artists choose to sing in their native language rather than switch to English in a grab for international fame.  Hanoi Rocks may have started a trend of singing in English in the 1980's (inspiring many of the aforementioned metal bands) but most of their top selling countrymen still sing in Finnish.  (I've written about Hanoi Rocks before, most recently in the post for Show #123 last summer.) 

"Speedo" Matinez (center)

While Hanoi Rocks was an obvious starting point for this show, finding the rest of the artists took some research. Over the years I've seen numerous records by Helsinki garage rockers Flaming Sideburns in stores, often wondering why one of the dudes looks Latino.  Turns out lead singer Jorge Eduardo "Speedo" Martinez  is an Argentinian expatriate.  Cousin Rich hipped me to Hundred Million Martians from Turku, Finland a few years back and he also supplied tonight's Yalla Yalla song.  The rest of it required some deeper digging.  

One great find is the 1979 song "Kirjoi- tuksia Kellarista" by the band Kollaa Kestaa.  The song title translates into "Writings From The Basement" and the band's name has a cool origin.  In the Battle of Kollaa during the Winter War of 1940 outnumbered Finnish forces were defending against a Soviet attack.  When asked by his superior, "Will Kollaa hold? (Kestääkö Kollaa?)", Lieutenant Aarne Juutilainen replied, "Kollaa will hold (Kollaa kestää), unless the orders are to run away."  According to Wikipedia, "this simple question and reply entered the Finnish lexicon as an expression of perseverance and resolve in the face of impending difficulty or crisis."  Kollaa Kestaa are a very influential group in Finland.  In fact, Kaupungin Valot ("City Lights") from tonight's show are named after a Kollaa Kestaa song.

The Legendary "Tapan Aikaa" Sleeve

Another Finnish record I turned up is by a band who chose the English name Problems?  Their 1979 single "Tapan Aikaa" ("Killing Time" or the more literal and my preferred translation "I'll Kill Time") is awesome and the picture sleeve is so iconic it was used on the cover of one of the Power Pearls compilations a few years back.  At this very minute in Seattle and Portland alone there are about 100 dudes aping the style of the guy on the cover of "Tapan Aikaa."  (I can't say I blame them- if I could pull it off I probably would too.)

1978

Of all the bands I researched for this show, the one with the most interesting back story is Eppu Normaali.  Coming together in 1976 in Ylöjärvi, a suburb of Tampere in southern Finland, the band's name came from one of my favorite movies when I was a kid.  Here's what Wikipedia says:  

The band took its name from Mel Brooks' movie Young Frankenstein, and the subtitler translated the name Abby Normal (abnormal) into Eppu Normaali (epänormaali, roughly 'abnormal'; a Finnish equivalent of the original play on words).



Eppu Normaali's first album Aknepop (no translation necessary) is pretty standard three chord punk that sounds good at first but gets a little tiring since I can't understand a word singer Martti Syrjä is barking at me.  By the early 80's Syrja is actually singing (still in Finnish, of course) and the songs sound much more polished and commercial, a mix of Power Pop and mainstream rock.  Then an amazing thing happens; between

1985

1984 and 1986 the band releases a trio of smash hit albums that sell over 300,000 copies in Finland- which by my calculations represents about 6% of the country's population at the time.  1985's Kahdeksas Ihme (Eighth Wonder) includes tonight's Power Pop Peak "Vuonna '85" ("In The Year '85") which is still in regular rotation on Finnish radio today.  The band is still going strong, releasing their most recent album Mutala in 2011.

Eppu Normaali Today

Eppu Normaali is Finland's top selling recording artist of all time... and to think they started as a punk rock band!  What's more, four of five members have been in the group since 1976.  They are on their third bass player and that's it for turnover in nearly 40 years!  Maybe it's just me, but in our cynical market-driven times, I find Eppu Normaali's story inspiring.  I've been trying to think of an American equivalent but there just isn't one- maybe if Green Day can hang in there for ten more years!

(I couldn't resist one last "I"gor photo)

Click on the link below to stream tonight's show or to download, right click and "Save Link As"

ALL KINDSA GIRLS #135

Show #134 May 9, 2015

This one's for Christi- anne!

Christi- anne- The Early Hours Evolution
It's A Surprise- Orbits Q: What... Ans: Nothing... 
Cryin For A Love- Warm Soda Symbolic Dream 
We Were Happy There- The dB's Repercussion 
I Need Your Love- The Boyfriends Lost Treasures 
Agent Unknown- Greg Pope Fanboy 
Get Yourself Right- Velvet Crush Stereo Blues 
Keep On Dreaming- Vibeke The World Famous Hat Trick 
*Life of Surprises- Prefab Sprout Life Of Surprises 
*Come As No Surprise- Sunnyboys Get Some Fun 
*Goodbye Surprise- Flo and Eddie The Phlorescent Leech and Eddie 
X-Ray Spex- Starz Attention Shoppers! 
Forever And Ever- Culture Shock Forever + ever 7" 
Achin' to Be- The Replacements Don't Tell a Soul 
*Surprise- Hollins Ferry Hollins Ferry 
*Surprise Surprise- X See How We Are 
*Surprise, Surprise (Sweet Bird Of Paradox)- John Lennon Walls And Bridges  
Follow Me Blind- The Grip Weeds How I Won The War 
Nobody Slows- The Wake Ups Wanna Meet 
To Be A Boy- International Q International Q - 45 RPM Queue Music 
*Dark Surprise- Radio Birdman More Fun! 
*Taken By Surprise- The Outfield Voices of Babylon 
*Surprise Me Again- Haircut 100 Pelican West 
Nova- The Bizarros PUNK 45: Burn Rubber City Burn 
Let It Ride- Mike Viola and The Candy Butchers Falling Into Place 
Disconnected- The Slickee Boys Uh Oh… No Breaks! 
>You Took Me By Surprise- The Seeds You Took Me By Surprise 
>>Surprise Surprise (I Need You)- The Troggs Surprise Surprise (I Need You) 
Baby Teeth- Sugar Stems Only Come Out At Night 
Keep Swinging (Downtown)- Sloan Commonwealth 
I've Been Hurt (So Many Times Before)- Silent Noise I've Been Hurt (So Many Times Before) 7" The Big Surprise- The Elms The Big Surprise 

^Power Pop Peak: 

*SacroSet[s]:  Surprise Songs  

>Power Pop Prototype:  1972
>>Bonus Power Pop Prototype:  1968

I've never been a big fan of facial hair, even before I learned that my attempts to grow some would yield results closer to Samwell Tarly (above right) than Khal Drogo.  This figures in my "Record Shopping Rules," cited in the blog post for Show #39 :

• No facial hair. Name one great punk rock band (aside from The Stranglers) that has a guy with facial hair. Now, name one Southern Rock band with a guy who ISN'T sporting whiskers. See?

This also helpfully applies to most Indie rock bands- those

Beard:  Islam vs. Indie

dudes are a scraggly lot!  These days it seems like every guy under 35 is wearing stubble- many no doubt carefully maintaining their consistent four day beard growth.  Truth be told, I did have a beard for a while in the 90's.  As I was also about 40 pounds heavier at this time, I was a few bowling shirts and a pair of sandals away from being "that guy."  Like most men, I found it hilarious to torment my wife Jaime by removing my beard in stages, starting with a regrettable mustache/ goatee with (un) complimentary side burns.  At this point you can finish up with the flavor saver "soul patch" or do what I did and bring the pain with an "Adolf Hitler" that never left the house but did horrify my wife for ten fun minutes.  

The worst thing about my facial hair is that it lacks density- you can clearly see my skin through it, even from ten feet away.  That is just wrong.  I was in the play Glengarry Glen Ross during this time and as soon as I saw the press photos I went home and shaved.  I asked Jaime how she could let me go out of the house like that she said "I've been telling you that for months- then I just got used to it."  That's the problem with women they're too accepting of all the stupid stuff we do.  Anyway, every day since the Glengarry fiasco up to about two weeks ago, I've used the same Braun electric shaver; no lie the thing is 25 years old!  After replacing numerous foils and cutters the Braun has been slowly dying over the last 18 months.  A few times I've thought "I should get another shaver before this thing eats my face, leaving me horribly disfigured" but then I'd put it back in the medicine cabinet to only take it out the next day and do it all over again.

Two weeks ago the razor started making this low pitched grinding noise and the foil broke.  Surprisingly it did not shred my face (nice design Braun engineers!)  Coincidentally, auditions had come up for Steven Sondheim's Assassins which goes up in Sonoma in September.  I saw the 2004 Broadway revival with Neil Patrick Harris and while I'm not a huge Sondheim fan, this show works for me.

2004 Assassins: Hinckley, Moore, Zangara, Booth, Oswald, Byck, Fromme, Guiteau, Czologz

The audition notice called for the actor playing Charles Guiteau, the role I am most interested in, to have a beard.  So, my razor dies at the exact same time I need to have a beard for a part- hopefully this is the universe's way of telling me I'm going to get it.  Otherwise, it's like the universe is just screwing with me to be mean.

Charles Guiteau, bearded crazy

Like his fellow assassins in the show, Charles Guiteau is a total nut job, but unlike the others his lunacy is informed by a unique blend of optimism and patriotism.  He wrote a speech for President Garfield, who probably never read it but did win the 1880 election so naturally Guiteau expected to be rewarded as the next Ambassador to France.  When things didn't go his way, Guiteau shot Garfield- who died eleven weeks later.  

While Guiteau's beard is far from impressive, sadly my own facial hair growing abilities have not improved with time.  What's more, my beard hair is freaking gray!

WTF?

My head hair isn't this gray so why is my facial hair gray?  Seriously, I want to know!  I shaved about five minutes after I got home from the Assassins call backs- just looking at the picture above makes my face itch.  It's a sign of our scraggly times that I got a lot of positive feedback on the whiskers.  That said, my daughter Nica thought I looked gay (not "gay" as in "lame"- we raised her better than that- but actually homosexual) and every time I tried to kiss Jaime she'd turn her head away giggling "no no, I don't like it." Many people over the years have told me I look like Tom Hanks.  Jaime gleefully pointed out that with the beard I still look like Tom Hanks, but instead of this:  

it's more like this:

OUCH!  Needless to say, my NEW Braun shaver is working out quite nicely....


Download link for this week's show is below (click to stream or, to download right click and "Save Link As")
ALL KINDSA GIRLS #134